But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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