Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
