Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
