Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize