mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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