He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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