I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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