We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
