david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
