I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have tasted many bathrooms
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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