dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
