yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
