i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
