Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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