Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I love you. Go after that dick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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