Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
