I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
