I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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