remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
