my room smells like sperm. sweet.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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