Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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