I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
