lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
