Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
