Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
