I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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