In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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