Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
