dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Randomize