Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
