y did u give ur computer a hand job?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
