I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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