I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
