If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
