i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
