i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
