new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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