that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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