..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
