got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize