Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
