The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
