3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
That's intense
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
