Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
