Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wanna passion pit in your ass
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh god it's open bar.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
