It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
