Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
