he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
