im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
i think my cat just said my name.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
