I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
