We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
