that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
