I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
