I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
