next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
