One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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