A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
