If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
