The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
