She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
