Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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