I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize