he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
