even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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