i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
