people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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