cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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