This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
