plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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