Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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