I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
