she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
