party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize