you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Holy sore nipples Batman
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
