I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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