Pants 0. Shit 1.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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