standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Panties = found
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
