like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
