I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
