Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
