I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
