Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
