sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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