think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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