That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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