connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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