she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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