I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize