I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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