remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
