Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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