I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
