So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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