Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
